early batman
I was batman, but at the start of his career before he was good at being a crime fighter and maybe a little stupid.
I was on some giant jet ski thing and pulled up to this little boat with a wheel house that was anchored not far from this big oil rig type thing. It was night time and pitch black with a little fog. In my mind the oil rig thing was a base of operations for some dangerous drug cartel and the little boat was a federal government vessel staking it out. When I pulled up to the boat I knocked on the door to the wheel house and this old asian guy comes out.
“Yes?” he says.
“How’s the stake out going?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Oh crap, you’re not the federal government stake out boat are you?”
“No. No I’m not. I’m a sniper by trade.”
Thinking fast I reach down to draw my gun and point it at him through the door before he can grab his own and do the same. At the last moment I remember that batman doesn’t use guns and I’m pointing my index and middle finger, holding them like I’m five and pretending my hand is a gun.
“That’s not a gun.” he astutely points out.
I bring up my other hand and point it at him in the same manner, but through the window of the wheelhouse behind some picture he has taped to it so he can’t see it.
“Yeah, but this one is, and I’ll shoot if you move even a muscle.”
Dubious, the old asian man peers around the photo to see it’s just my fingers again. At that moment I slam the door of the wheel house shut and pull a 180 on the jet ski. I book it for the nearby shoreline and drive the jet ski right up onto the sand. I jump off and twist the machine so that it falls on its side with me behind it, using it as a shield. Soon after the sniper starts firing at me. I peer around the edge of the jet ski and I see beach goers (don’t know why they’er hanging out in bathing suits in the middle of the night on the beach) start going down from the gunfire.
The sniper has gotten out of his boat and is on the beach stalking towards me. Suddenly the police are there and they tackle him. This big SUV roars up on the sand behind me and a plain clothes cop jumps out.
“Mind telling me what you’re doing with your jet ski up on the beach like this?”
Using my quick, genius batman intellect I reply, “Oh man am I glad you guys are here. I was just jet skiing around for fun and this crazy guy started shooting at me. I came to the beach to get away from him.”
“Thanks citizen.” The cop walks off towards the struggling suspect and I lay my head down in the sand. Batman has a lot to learn.
