while you were dreaming

Sun Slut Super Suit

The waiter asked if he could get me anything. I ordered a Sun Slut Super Suit.

guacamole cookies

right before i woke up i was on the top floor of a tall building, which for some reason had a freight elevator. i was trying to get the elevator to stop where i needed it to get on. the lever was so sensitive that the elevator kept swinging up and down too far. like way far. a couple of times it crashed into the top of the shaft and swung back down. i was carrying a ream of letter paper and didn’t want to take the stairs. also i overheard brook p on another level having a conversation with nan. he was saying downright nasty things, which scared me.

earlier, julie had asked me to replace somebody in a play, the day of the play. sam was the only other person in the play, but i didn’t have to interact with him. my lines were all in a sort of monologue with long pauses, which served as an intro to sam’s monologue. i did it, but i had to read off a script i’d printed out. i thought i gave a terrible performance.

afterwards on the street (broadway between spring and prince), outside of the play (i’d gone to get the ream of paper), sam (who had to leave early) was getting on his motorcycle (!) and we chatted. he said i was the best person who’d ever done that role. he said i was funny and he thought the performance was hilarious (but i knew he may have just been saying that). he said the party was still happening, as in, people were still milling around post-play. he said that for the next day he was bringing guacamole cookies and that they were huge.

not Sungirls again

The creator of the musical Annie, which he had based on his own life, was trying to pitch an early version of Annie, called Sungirls to the faculty of a high school where he worked. The teacher, transgendered, was wearing a shawl and a dark, wavy wig. The musical deciding board groaned when he showed them drafts of the programs for Sungirls. “Not Sungirls again!” “You’re the worst CCM we’ve ever had.” CCM meant Chair of the Department of Music. The creator of Annie, with quiet passion in his voice, pleaded with them to try Sungirls. He recited some of the lyrics and said, “Just give the kids an hour or two of homework on Danel Broflovsky.” The board said no.

Then I was on a camping trip with LF and her father, who kept trying to get us to go buy new duffel bags. When we got back to LF’s parents’ house, a guy was washing off candied nuts and dried fruit in a sink. I said that if he ate all of those, he’d have eaten “half the sugar in a baby.” Then I read an article that said since most people only eat a couple of handfuls of snacks while listening to radio show, sugar intake wasn’t a problem… EXCEPT this one time. And the writer guiltily described the time he had eaten too many chocolate chips while listening to his favorite radio show, which was called “reeve heeben” or something.

strict cashier

 At a Whole Foods type grocery store, cashier Julie D. won’t let me buy sour gummy straws because they’re made with “bikini oil.” I try to sneak a pack past her but I can’t— she’s the damn cashier.

ashley olsen control

I was hanging out in MP’s room. There was a little black remote control with that said “ashley olsen” on it. There was one red button on it, about the size of a nickel. I pressed it. Ashley Olsen, around four years old, came leaping out from behind a bookshelf and jumped into my arms. 

Later, M asked about the graphic novel I was working on, “Lullaby in Perkistan.”

early batman

I was batman, but at the start of his career before he was good at being a crime fighter and maybe a little stupid.

I was on some giant jet ski thing and pulled up to this little boat with a wheel house that was anchored not far from this big oil rig type thing. It was night time and pitch black with a little fog. In my mind the oil rig thing was a base of operations for some dangerous drug cartel and the little boat was a federal government vessel staking it out. When I pulled up to the boat I knocked on the door to the wheel house and this old asian guy comes out.

“Yes?” he says.

“How’s the stake out going?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Oh crap, you’re not the federal government stake out boat are you?”

“No. No I’m not. I’m a sniper by trade.”

Thinking fast I reach down to draw my gun and point it at him through the door before he can grab his own and do the same. At the last moment I remember that batman doesn’t use guns and I’m pointing my index and middle finger, holding them like I’m five and pretending my hand is a gun.

“That’s not a gun.” he astutely points out.

I bring up my other hand and point it at him in the same manner, but through the window of the wheelhouse behind some picture he has taped to it so he can’t see it.

“Yeah, but this one is, and I’ll shoot if you move even a muscle.”

Dubious, the old asian man peers around the photo to see it’s just my fingers again. At that moment I slam the door of the wheel house shut and pull a 180 on the jet ski. I book it for the nearby shoreline and drive the jet ski right up onto the sand. I jump off and twist the machine so that it falls on its side with me behind it, using it as a shield. Soon after the sniper starts firing at me. I peer around the edge of the jet ski and I see beach goers (don’t know why they’er hanging out in bathing suits in the middle of the night on the beach) start going down from the gunfire.

The sniper has gotten out of his boat and is on the beach stalking towards me. Suddenly the police are there and they tackle him. This big SUV roars up on the sand behind me and a plain clothes cop jumps out.

“Mind telling me what you’re doing with your jet ski up on the beach like this?”

Using my quick, genius batman intellect I reply, “Oh man am I glad you guys are here. I was just jet skiing around for fun and this crazy guy started shooting at me. I came to the beach to get away from him.”

“Thanks citizen.” The cop walks off towards the struggling suspect and I lay my head down in the sand. Batman has a lot to learn.

from josh

jenn, kate & yoko drive a classic cerulean convertible down a frozen river. a crack in the ice engulfs it, jky in bikinis swim safely to shore.

tail hug

I was watching a play. Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey (or rather their characters from Beaches) had stepped in on the day of the show to replace the main actors who had just quit. It was very lucky because they really were perfect for the part. The director had wanted people who could seem “very intimately close friends.”

I was amazed at how fast they had learned the parts, and I noticed there was a mess of cue cards on the wall opposite the stage, but not cuing individual lines, just a bunch of scrawly charts and pictures indicating a mess of hints. Like the actors had made themselves a bunch of visual mnemonics. 

I guess I was watching a movie of the whole situation because I saw the whole thing unfold. Before the play scene, I was watching the scene in which Bette and Barbara are about to show up to volunteer to save the play. I noticed a part of the set on the sidelines, which was was a larger-than-life paper mache hanger (like a paper mache of a fancy cloth hanger with a hang-down skirt hanger part and a gauzy scarf hanging on it, also made of paper mache). It was for a scene which was to take place in a walk-in closet.

It was a very small theater that had only about 30 folding chairs for the audience. In the first act there was a lot of flashy lighting, yelling/chanting and movement. It was, of course, a musical. A couple who were seated in the front row got up and swung over to sit on the side (where there were more chairs). Then a man who was in the play, who had grown a REAL CAT TAIL (as part of the play, but it was really part of his body, yet was temporary), hugged something, an animal or maybe an object, and his tail hugged it too. It had the colors of a Siamese cat’s tail, creamy tan with bits of brown at the very ends of the hairs. I yelped, “His tail hugged it!” You could tell he was excited when I said that. It was his first time with a temporary tail. In his lines had been talking about tears before. Like the secret tears that cover your body even though you don’t realize it. He actually even broke character to say, “Really?” But it was sort of a loose, audience-interactive play, so that was OK.

Then I realized I had a tail too. I got excited to see if it would also hug along when I hugged stuff.

interview with the allergic baby debutante

I dreamed that I was talking to my chorus director at a gala that was to honor him and the chorus. He seemed more personable and less distracted than usual. We were in a discussion with another person about the effect he’s had on children’s lives vs. the effect that JK Rowling has had. I told him that I thought both were impactful, but his was much more unique and long-lasting. He seemed actually very touched and happy about this comment and I felt really good for telling him.

Then it flashed to a documentary where this one chorister who is like the perfect, tiny little blond / blue eyed rich girl gives an interview to a special program. She’s about six or seven. She talks about how her life is overly scheduled but she loves the chorus and she thinks it’s good for her to come for the 1.5 hour rehearsals and be exposed to the interaction with children from all walks of life. She also talks about how she’s allergic to dogs and there’s a surgery her parents won’t let her have that is pretty simple and would make her reactions dissipate. She explains that they a) don’t believe it works and b) don’t want her to want a dog, in case it were to work. She explains to the interviewer that one of the symptoms of her allergy is diarrhea. She says dead-serious with her blue eyes wide open, “My diarrhea burns and boils.”

Then I woke up (laughing, duh).

mini kangaroo vs. fox

i was in my bedroom hanging out with a mini kangaroo. it was about the size of a milk crate, and there were 3 even smaller baby kangaroos in the pouch! then a regular sized fox came along and it was trying to get the babies! so i was pushing the fox away with my arm and it was biting me, but it didn’t hurt because i was wearing a hoodie.

then my friend rosimer called from the front desk at work. she said “Joanna? Where are you? You’re late.” To which I replied “I know, but I have a situtation over her with a fox. I don’t know if I’m going to make it in today.” Rosimer said “Okay, but it’s the big talent showcase today, and the kids are really counting on your help.” So I said, “Oh right. I forgot. I’ll be there in one hour.”

head girl

I dreamed that there was a falafel place that served lavash wraps and they had a pretty good chickpea wrap. Jenn Kelly worked there for a bit, or she was telling me a story in which she had but had been fired. She said that while she worked there they told her as a compliment that she was a “head girl” meaning she interacted well with customers. She said that everyone who worked there got told they were something - some were “ear girls” meaning good listeners who could carry out orders without a mistake. I thought to myself that it would have been funny if she had been called an ear girl, because of her ear condition. I also thought that it would suck to be a boob girl or a back girl or something like that.

paul reiser

In real life we watched Alien and Aliens last night.

So I dreamed that I was helping out this little girl who may have been Newt from the movie. She was in a hospital situation and this lady who in my mind looked like Queen Latifah (but in my memory not really at all) was helping her out. The lady was a nurse and was really nice to her and Newt had made all of these animated gifs on a blog and the lady looked at them from her desk computer and smiled. Then we see her deleting her own identity on the screen, and we know she works for the enemy.

Then I’m trying to get my stuff from the apartment they’ve moved me into because I know they probably plan to kill me there. Alex OB is in the same building and moving in, and they don’t know I know him, so I ask him to grab some of my things. He and the nice landlady bring me my stuff in a secret apartment where I notice the bathroom door is missing and I take it as a sign that they know I’m escaping. Then all these people rush in and it’s some kind of store opening and suddenly the secret apartment is a boutique and people are hanging out and I’m shoved in the back of the closet trying to hide, because the evil lady is around, and so is Paul Reiser, who is also evil. 

All day I remain hidden, except that a child sees me and starts pointing me out to people. Later it’s darker out and all the lights in the gallery are on. Someone pulls me out of the closet and points me out to Paul Reiser but I’m wearing a bonnet that says I’m from a third world country and he says, “Yeah, so? I don’t have time for this!” and storms off. Except then someone says my name and he freezes and realizes it’s me, and he’s been sent to find me. He comes and rips my bonnet off and I jump up and bite him.

In real life, I bit Sara on the shoulder. 

Easy Pieces

I was in a clothing store. Someone told me to go into an adjoining clothing store and ask for “Easy Pieces”. I walked over there thinking how popular the expression “easy peasy” had become. The saleslady pulled out “Easy Pieces” so I could take a look. It was the coolest thing around, apparently. She said it cost $2,000. It was an ugly, floor length denim skirt, preworn looking with panels of other materials sewn in.

Standing Room Only

 The Happy Rappies (I think. Could also have been CPP. A Chris Andersen fronted band.) were mounting a highly produced Broadway style revue. It was AWESOME. The music was great, with hilarious, ironic cues; there were cool stage effects, the most impressive one was an invisible sort of Aggro Crag mountain thing that Chris and the company could climb around on. Since the mountain was invisible it looked like they were suspended in mid-air. Awesome. All of this while playing the best songs ever backed by an orchestra and miles of dancers in perfect, mechanical synchronicity. It was the best show ever. I looked around for a seat—I was with Yoko in the back of an auditorium with graduated seating— but all I could find was this stool with a pillow on it. It smelled bad and had spiders all over it. I stood instead.

pencils

Sara and I showed up at a party in an apartment/loft building, and Julie and Xty came down to answer the door. X was so high she could barely carry on a conversation. I wrote her a message on her face. Julie had a copy of a yearbook where people had written quotes to her and for some reason I looked inside expecting my quote to be in there instead of on X’s face.

Then we were upstairs and my pencil was broken and I asked Julie if she had an extra one or at least a sharpener. She was standing at a table sharpening one of her own pencils and she had this huge electric pencil sharpener. She said something like, “You have to get more pencils!” and took mine and sharpened it. I thought to myself that if I had a giant sharpener like that I wouldn’t ever need more pencils.

There was also another part where Sara was talking about this cupcake place called Tweet. She said that when she went there there had been a constant tweeting sound and it was really annoying. I said to her that I had been to a different Tweet and that there had been no tweeting. I said that maybe when she was there they were about to close. She said maybe they had been closed when I was there. We argued for a second and then I realized it didn’t matter. “Anyway, I like Tweet.”